Jen's health journal

Fri, 12 Aug 2005 04:36:02 GMT

We went out to dinner with friends tonight and we had italian. It was very hard to stick to a diet when eating italian food, not too much was healthy. I have no idea how to add up the points to what I ate, because honestly I'm not sure what was in my pasta for sure. I thought I ordered something simple, but it wasn't so simple when I got it. It was verry yummy though. I might just post in my WW journal that I have NO clue how many points it was, but I'm sure it was the rest of my points (plus some). Hmm, not sure what to do.

In other news I did my official second week weigh in yesterday (Wed) and I had dropped a pound and a half. Here I can sum it all up:

Starting weight: 228
Week one: 225
Week two: 223.5

Total loss so far: 4.5 pounds

I wish it were as easy to lose the weight as it is to gain it :(.

Tue, 09 Aug 2005 22:27:07 GMT

I think more than anything lately I am scared about this whole weight loss thing. I think normally a person would be afraid that they couldn't stick to the diet, therefore not lose the weight. But I'm scared of not being able to lose the weight despite being on the diet and being good.

I think this fear stems from how I actually gained the weight which was not exactly by choice. I was placed on Depo Provera to treat my endometriosis and adenomyosis, and in 4 months put on about 50 pounds. The weight gain was so quick that I remember having bright red stretch marks all over my stomach. It was scary and out of my control. So I feel somehow that my weight LOSS might be out of my control and I'll be stuck overweight forever. I know these aren't really reasonable thoughts to entertain, but they still go through my mind.

I guess I'll just keep going and see where it takes me. I'll try not to be scared and keep pushing on.

Some Wedding pics that go with my icon

Tue, 09 Aug 2005 03:57:52 GMT

Star_envy asked me if my icon is me....so maybe some of the rest of you are wondering too! Yes it is me...the picture came from a group of photos taken at my wedding last July. I have been married just over a year now, and it's amazing how quickly time passes.

Here are some more pictures I thought I would share....
Please forgive me for the loading time, I have no clue how to do a fancy cut.

Roe v. Wade

Tue, 09 Aug 2005 00:01:13 GMT

Do you want John Roberts to reveal his views about a woman's right to choose abortion before the Senate votes on whether to elevate him to the U.S. Supreme Court? If you're like more than half of Americans, your answer is a resounding yes. Join us in demanding that Roberts let us know if he will uphold the protections for women's health guaranteed by Roe v. Wade, or if he believes this decision should be overturned.

Sign our Two Million for Roe petition today and be listed among millions on our "Roe Call."

100,000 MORE SIGNATURES NEEDED BY SEPTEMBER 1

http://www.ppaction.org/campaign/roberts_roeCall2?rk=SpS1Sb91fXiRW

Mon, 08 Aug 2005 19:29:22 GMT

Well I didn't totally blow my diet after all, All those points I saved up during the week really paid off and I didn't go totally over my weekly allowance.

I'm starting to think that this really is something I can do, because I can have a nice fattening dinner once a week or every so often, yet eat light the rest of the time. I really hope I am able to lose the weight I need to lose. I worry that I'll just stop losing weight or something and not know what else to do. I guess I'll just cross that bridge if it gets here. Hopefully it won't.

I have my goal weight set at 145 right now, but it says I can go as low as 140. Some websites say that I can go as low as 130 and 135 but when I think about that...the last time I remember being 135 was in the 8th grade...how sad is that?? I would be interested to be that thin, just for curiosity.

This time I really want to do this for me. I want to prove to myself that I can do it. That I can make healthy changes and lose the weight. I'm tired of feeling fat, I'm tired of being fat. I want to be able to go to the mall and shop in ANY store that I want to. It's been a LONG time since I've been able to do that.

Dinner and Cramps

Mon, 08 Aug 2005 06:23:08 GMT

cramps are killing me tonight....I can't find anything to make me comfortable. I think it's more scar tissue than cramps, either way it hurts. I took a bath and it didn't help.

We ate dinner at a fancy place in Beverly Hills, I went all out and probably gained a pound. I figured that since I eat only what my daily points are everyday and hardly ever go over...then those 35 bonus points can be used all at once. I'm pretty sure I used them all, but I don't feel the need to try and total them up. I had a very good meatloaf, mashed potatoes and kale that was cooked in a lemon sauce. They are pretty well known for their Chicken Pot Pie, but it is only made on the weekends...and they were out by the time we got there. My husband was disapointed that he couldn't get the Pot Pie. We'll have to go back another time.

Time for bed, gotta work tomorrow.

Bored....

Sun, 07 Aug 2005 20:43:38 GMT

I'm not feeling too great today, I know my period is about to start and I have these sharp pains that come and go on my left side. One in my lower back and the other one starts at my ovary and shoots down my left leg. I know it will only get worse because I'm only spotting at this point. I really hate the waiting game I have to play with my period, especially knowing that the pain can be immobilizing and I don't have pain meds anymore. It really frustrates me.

I wasn't too hungery today, so I just ate a little Weight Watchers meal worth 4 points. We were supposed to go out and have lunch, but that never actually happened. I'm bored out of my mind, but there is really nothing to do. My husband has no ideas on things to do, he seems to be content watching TV and playing World of Warcraft. Maybe I'll see if he wants to go see a movie, at least then I would be sitting around somewhere other than at home. I think I'm just in a crappy mood because my period is going to start.

Another pound down!

Sun, 07 Aug 2005 05:15:43 GMT

I really thought I threw my diet completely off today, but after I total all my points I find out that I did ok after all. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this. I had some tofu with veggies at lunch today, then for dinner had a really good chicken breast cooked in lemon and wine sauce. The italian place was so nice, they cooked it especially for me with no butter or anything. I got some steamed veggies on the side at was stuffed by the time I was done. Hardly any points at all. I think I have some leftover points to spend on a Skinny Cow Ice cream sandwich.

I weighed myself at the gym on friday...I know I SAID I was only going to weigh weekly..but I just couldn't resist. I was too curious and had to find out. I was down to 224.....that means I dropped another pound..so in total so far I have dropped 4 pounds and it's not even been two weeks on weight watchers. I'm so excited!!

Well, I'm in need of a bubble bath.....so that's where I'm going. I think I'm too full for ice cream. I don't think I can eat all my points today..oh well.

Some thoughts for today...

Fri, 05 Aug 2005 04:32:58 GMT

Losing those three pounds yesterday really inspired me and made me feel a whole lot better about this whole diet thing. I mean really, I'm not deprived by any means, if I eat small and healthy portions of stuff I don't have any trouble feeling hungery. It's when I do something stupid (aka La Salsa Chile-Lime salad..19 points) that I feel hungery. Trust me, I will not make that mistake again.

I knew there must be weight watchers TV dinners out there or something. I'm still learning how to cook with Weight Watchers, so easy throw in the microwave meals were right up my alley, but I just couldn't find them. I considered like Budget Gourmet, or something along that line instead..since obviously the grocery store didn't have Weight Watchers meals.....WELL.... Today while wandering through the store I realized that the meals labled "Smart Ones" were actually the weight watchers meals. They were right there in front of my face the whole time..I could hardly contain my excitment..things were 4 points and 5 points... how cool! So I stocked up on a few to try. I tried the Ravioli this evening and it wasn't too bad.

I'm feeling somewhat crampy today, I think my period might be close, but it has a mind of it's own...so who really knows. Cramps aren't much of a sign. Why can't my period come on schedual? I could at least plan my life around it (since I need to). I'm not sure how much longer I can handle this trying to get pregnant thing. I REALLY want to go back on my pills and not have the painful periods anymore. I'll give it until Christmas or so...then I told my husband I'm going back on the pill until we can afford fertility treatment. They say you are labled infertile if you have been having unprotected sex for a year or so with no results...I'm pretty sure I'll reach that mark. Oh well, I never figured this getting pregnant thing was going to be easy..I just hoped it would be.

I was thinking today about how I have SO many reasons why I want to lose the weight and keep it off. I always felt like a chubby kid since about the time I started to have periods. I think I started packing on the pounds then. Sure I can blame some of it on hormones...but I'm sure it's not the only problem. I think I've had a problem with portion control all my life. I grew up in the "you take it, you eat it" sort of household. I think maybe later I'll list off some of the reasons I want to lose weight. I think it might inspire me to keep on going.

Tonight I'm not hungery at all...and I'm going to go have a two point Skinny Cow Ice Cream Sand..woohoo..it's my treat! I wanted the Mint ones...but my husband would have eaten them all so I got plain vanilla. They are soooo good...I can't beleive they are ONLY 2 points.

Note to self....

Thu, 04 Aug 2005 18:11:26 GMT

NOTE TO SELF: Do not eat the Lays Light chips made with Olestra (previously names Lays WOW chips) They taste yummy.....but go right through you along with everything else you eat 5 days later. They are being trashed tonight.

Thu, 04 Aug 2005 04:07:44 GMT

I must say that the frustration paid off and today was the one week mark of my Weight Watchers journey. Have I been somewhat hungery? Yes.. Do I often despise food because I can't eat it if it tastes good...of course... BUT today I weighed myself while at Curves and I had LOST 3 POUNDS!! I'm very happy and thought that my jeans felt a little less tight when I put them on this morning, but I didn't want to get my hopes up.

So today I had a La Salsa Chile Lime salad for lunch. It was good and I had the dressing on the side. I hardly used any of it. I figured it was the healthiest choice on the menu, but when I got back to the office I found that it was 19 points. I kind of think I ate less than 19 points because I asked for the dressing on the side, but Weight Watchers on line doesn't give me the option to say I put my dressing on the side therefore ate less fatty calorie filled dressing. So I might go over my points this evening..when I've been so good for the past three or more days to stay right on my points value. I'm starving tonight but luckily earned two points for working out.

YAY for weight loss!!

Frustrated....

Wed, 03 Aug 2005 02:47:37 GMT

I'm a little frustrated tonight, planned on making a taco dip for dinner, but it seems that I don't have FAT FREE sour cream.,...and the lowfat sour cream has a hell of a lot more points. PLUS in my normal layered bean dip I used Dean's Zesty Guacamole...and it's pretty damn high in calories and fat too.....so.....basically I Scratched the whole idea.

I ended up making a chicken breast with some steamed green beans. I considered a tuna wrap, but I wanted something actually cooked for dinner. I really think dinner is my biggest issue. I always eat the same think for breakfast anyway two eggs scrambled...and then lunch I usually eat a salad or some sushi every now and then...but dinner is so hard for me. Nothing I am used to cooking really works with my plan, and I don't want to go over my points too early in the evening for fear that I will be starving later in the night and want a snack. As much as I like weight watchers, I really just hate watching what I eat...I NEED to get over this problem. I crave completely stupid things when I'm on a diet. Things I don't normally eat all that often...yet when you know you shouldn't have it...it always sounds better.

Strange cravings for the day...

Peanut Butter and Honey Sandwich...
Snickers Bar....
Layered Taco dip (damnit)
popcorn...

I might go for the popcorn one though..

Anyway, I tried the fat free cheese melted on some chips last night. It melted then proceeded to harden up like stiff putty. It made all my chips stick together and it really didn't taste like much either. Yet, I figure I counted all 18 of those chips and measured out my 1/4 cup fat free glue...I'm going to eat it...lol... I don't think I'll melt it again.

Time to go look for more to eat, I have 9 points left and it's 8:00 in the evening.

On top of it all my husband is anti-social. Hmph...

Doing Better...

Tue, 02 Aug 2005 22:42:31 GMT

The first couple days on WW was a little hard because I didn't feel I was getting enough protein. Now I think I'm doing a lot better and getting the protein I need but without the fat. I know it's been only 4 days or so, but really I feel so proud of myself. I don't feel limited on the things I can eat....the only thing that tends to frustrate me is the fact that I have trouble figuring out points when I Go out to eat and don't eat a salad.

I saw today a picture that someone posted showing their before and after on weight watchers...I was so impressed. I hope that I will be able to have that kind of success. I guess if I stick to it I should be successful.

On target...yay!

Tue, 02 Aug 2005 06:00:15 GMT

I seemed to stay on target with Weight Watchers today. It's starting to get a little easier now that I've figured out I can get the protein I need with eggs, tuna and black beans. Being hypoglycemic I need to make sure I'm getting enough protein.
I'm actually UNDER points tonight and I can't really figure out what I'm going to eat. I'm sure I'll come up with something.

I worked out today but forgot to weigh myself. Somhow I hope that I have lost a little weight in the past 4 days I've been doing weight watchers......one can hope.

Time to eat...

Cutting Calories isn't fun.

Mon, 01 Aug 2005 02:05:00 GMT

Cutting calories bites, but I guess I'll live through it. I didn't eat breakfast today, then had a salad for lunch with a low fat dressing. This made it so I could have terribly unhealthy mexican food for dinner. I have a wonderful chicken burrito with black beans and some rice. I was thankful that there was no sour cream on it...because I couldn't have resisted it. I've had my max amount of calories for the day, so no more snacking for me. Glad I'm not hungery at all.

I considered working out today, even got in my work out clothes...but I never actually made it to Curves. I still blame it on their weird hours on the weekends. I really think they should be open later than noon on weekends so that some of us that actually enjoy sleeping in can do so. I'm starting to wonder if maybe I should just work out in the morning before work. I would have to go to bed an hour earlier, but I hear you have more success if you work out in the morning before you eat breakfast...or was if after you ate...hmm....gotta read up again I guess.

I am becoming more and more annyed that I don't have and can't get health insurence. It really seems to me that it's immoral that the people that need health insurance can't get it, but the people who don't need it can get it. I am starting to feel like it's time for an endometriosis Lap again to remove adhesions with a lazer...the only way I can possibly afford that is if I have insurence. Well..we COULD afford it if we made payments for like two years but we are attempting to get OUT of debt, not go further and further in to debt. I'm so annoyed with the health care in this country!

Well, that's enough complaining for now!

Our first wedding anniversary.

Sat, 30 Jul 2005 21:30:05 GMT

Here's a blurry picture of my husband and I at our first anniversary dinner. We spent the weekend in Santa Barbara California and had a great time!

I hope to be much more thin for our second wedding anniversary.

Two journals, twice the fun

Sat, 30 Jul 2005 20:40:07 GMT

So it's kind of weird to have two journals now, but I was feeling a little weird bitching about my ovarian cysts and constant pain on my other journal. I also didn't feel like sharing my weight loss journey with the group of people that read my other journal because some of them I do know in person, and some I do not. My best way to keep my battles a little private was to create this journal. A lot of my weight problem is due to my endometriosis and andenomyosis...so I guess they somewhat go together. I never had a problem with my weight before I was put on Depo Provera to treat endo and adeno. Three months later I had a weight problem, and it's never gone away since. It's been almost 4 years now I think since I have been off Depo Provera and the weight has been somewhat impossible to lose. I'm sure there are many contributing factors to this...and the medicine surely changed my metobolism or something..but I really just felt it was time to do something about the weight.

This week my struggle was getting to the gym to work out. My left side is killing me and I can only assume it's an ovarian cyst. Walking hurts, sitting hurts, sex hurts..it's all hurts so working out was just not an option. I did go in yesterday (friday) and work out..and it wasn't pleasant but I do feel better about myself because of it. I guess I have to pick my battles.

For any of you dropping by my journal who plan on adding me as a friend, you might want to also add my other journal as well under the name zoieangel. You might get a fuller picture of me with both journals. Silly I know to have two journals...but I'm a little shy about this whole weight loss and health shit.

watching what I eat

Sat, 30 Jul 2005 17:45:48 GMT

Well, my first day of Weight watchers wasn't too successful...but thats how we learn right? My second day was much better I was actually under by two points because I had received activity points. I dreamed that sleeping required me to know how many points I would get for it...so I sort of tossed and turned in a point induced haze. I think I'll eventually get over that.

Here we go....

Sat, 30 Jul 2005 02:36:43 GMT

Well this is my first entry. I signed up for weigh watchers just yesterday morning and I have been doing Curves workouts for exactly a month today. I decided this journal was a good idea because I might meet some other people with common goals to share my battle with. I know this isn't going to be easy since I've gained and lost weight in the past. I know I really do have my work cut out for me...but this time I really think I need to do it. I have so many reasons why I feel I should lose the weight, maybe I'll list them off in the near future.

So...here's to fighting old battles in a new way.....